Funnies

Here are a few good jokes from the past month as told by the late night comedians. Enjoy!

Jay Leno: "President Obama last night ordered 30,000 more troops in Afghanistan to fight the Taliban, but on an 18-month timetable. In a related story, the Taliban announced they are on a 19-month timetable."

Jay Leno: "The good news, Obama said he expects to start bringing our troops home in two years. ... The bad news, Bush said the same thing seven years ago."

Craig Ferguson: "Everybody's talking about President Obama's speech last night. ... He's sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. Right now, in Scandinavia, the Nobel Committee is really rethinking the whole peace prize."

Stephen Colbert: "Yesterday, the Dems officially dropped from the Senate healthcare bill both the public option and an alternate plan for 55 to 65 year olds to buy into Medicare. At this point, the only reform left in the bill is government-mandated post-appointment lollipops."

Conan O'Brien: "During an interview last night, Oprah Winfrey asked President Obama what grade he would give himself for his first year in office and he said a 'B-plus.' ... Then, Oprah shook her head and said, 'I didn't pay for a B-plus.'"

Conan O'Brien: "A new poll asked Americans who their ideal next-door neighbor would be. The number one answer was the Obama family...mainly because the Obamas are the kind of neighbors who would lend you a cup of sugar or a trillion dollars."

Jimmy Kimmel: "Congratulations to President Obama on becoming an uncle. His brother-in-law, Craig Robinson, and his wife just had a son in Oregon. Or so they claim. Lou Dobbs is demanding to see the birth certificate."

Jon Stewart: "I know that the Yemen thing complicates the war on terror, but on the plus side, getting attacked is really the only way we Americans learn about world geography."

Jimmy Fallon: "Everyone around the country is still focused on healthcare. President Obama recently said, 'We've spent so much time talking about the House bill versus the Senate bill that we haven't been able to talk about how great the bill is overall.' Then someone asked him how great it was and he was like, 'Not that great.'"

Jay Leno: "Well, this is kind of embarrassing. At a speech to school kids in an elementary school in Virginia, President Obama used the teleprompter. He had a teleprompter set up to talk to the kids. The topic of the speech: Never taking the easy way out by bringing a cheat sheet to school."

Jimmy Fallon: "Well, the Oscar nominations were announced today, you guys. Best Actor nominees included George Clooney for 'Up in the Air,' Jeremy Renner...for 'The Hurt Locker,' and President Obama for the 'State of the Union.'"

Jimmy Fallon: "I read in 'The New York Times' that the Obama Administration is planning huge changes to President Bush's 'No Child Left Behind' law. The new law will be called, 'Let's Face It, Some Kids Are Just Duds.'"

Jay Leno: "Here is a historical fact. It was on this day in 1690, the first paper...money was printed up in the colony of Massachusetts. The pilgrims realized that when they ran out of money, they could just print more. Thus, the Federal government was born."

David Letterman: "President Obama's having a big Super Bowl party. This is very shrewd. He has invited a group of Republicans to come to the White House for his Super Bowl party. He's going to seat the 'you lie' guy next to the 'not true' guy."

I hope you enjoyed these, had a laugh or two, and that it brightens your day!